“No, don’t take me out yet, I want to stay here a little longer. Please, please I am not ready to leave. It’s… so… soft… in here. Why is he yelling my name so loudly? Is that necessary? Yes, yes, I can hear you. …Jeez, do the lights need to be so bright? What the hell is that in my throat, cough cough, get it out. Get it out!” Gagging.
Eyes open. Coughing. The vibrational rush of an operating room in full force hits me like a speeding train. I am awake and I am in pain.
Consciousness is pain.
I don’t know where I was coming from. But I knew where I was going…and I knew that I wanted to go back. It was nice. It was a very nice place.
We enter consciousness screaming through the front door of birth and slip out so gently through the back door of death. Unconsciousness is the natural state of the human spirit. It is where we came from and it is where we are going. Just because we lack awareness of the unconscious state, does not mean that is not stored in our brain…somewhere…everything is.
We can feel ‘unconsciousness’ when it’s over. We know it exists because somewhere in our being, on an atomic level, the memory exists. We know this memory exists for two simple reasons: 1) we know it feels good; and 2) we are always trying to get back there.
Whether it is sleep, medication, alcohol, drugs, exercise, yoga, meditation, nutrition, juice cleanses, we are all just trying to get to that same exact place. Some call it peace or heaven, others bliss or nirvana. Or simply, nothingness. Because nothing is a state of something too.
The path to nothingness is not the ability to suppress all negativity in one’s life. We cannot get rid of negative charges. Scientific law mandates that in order for positive charges to exist, negative ones must exist as well. The key is achieving equilibrium.
Consciousness without the appropriate weapons is dangerous and suicidal. Yet, we learn as we go. Our ears become numb to the noise. Our eyes, dull to the light. The brightness of the Experience is dulled. We are dulled.
“How would your life be different if you stopped allowing other people to dilute, or poison, your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day you stand strong in the truth of your beauty, and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.”—Steve Maraboli
“Every person is born with something to say. The only choice lies within the medium to disseminate that message. As parents, it is our responsibility to guide the child to the appropriate medium - without damaging the message along the way.”—Peering The Veil
I am undergoing surgery with general anesthesia tomorrow. It will be my very own consciousness shifting experiment. I will try and document the very last thoughts before lights out and my first thoughts upon awakening.
We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.